when you are enjoying yourself, do you even care whether your loved ones are worried when you don't even them a proper reply for hours. i bet you wont even know im dead. staying up till late night just to read your reply. this is worst than you being in aussie. we are only a distance away with reception and everything, but yet i cant talk to you at all. and when you dont answer my numerous calls, i cried non stop. i swear i never had that kind of feeling. maybe its just me being so possessive, i don't know how to express my fear but to just let my tears flow. i know i'm being damn paranoid, my feelings were too deep im sorry/ thats all i can say.
give me a reply at least to let me know you're fine.
Friday, August 28, 2009
tell me about it. if you want to hide anything from me, go ahead. cause i wont want to bother anymore. its your own rights anyway. so who am i to you now.
/okok, this post is meaningless. i've no mood to blog already. why do i have to find it out myself all the time and it always ended off with a quarrel damn stupid worxzxxz
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
i just want time to fast forward till tomorrow's 1130 am. and only one thing to be sexcited for, MY BKK TRIP WITH ANYING(: and im going to spend 3 lovely days with her. i miss her polaroid camera. i'm so going to get myself a birthday gift soon. and SUPP PAPER PLS DONT COME AFTER ME. PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, I DONT WANT TO FAIL.
ok, time now is 930 im so dead/ i've not revised through again i've not bathe i've not called honey i've not settle down my feelings I'M SO DEAD THIS TIME SERIOUS.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Sunday, August 23, 2009
work was hectic ytd. oh man, i was trying to study but nothing gets into my head. there's too many distractions yo.
cherlyn and her boyf was nice to fetch me home. and then, ya i confessed i've never been clubbing before except for one pathetic time. just nice their car was parked at the back of haji lane. and then, i've no choice but to walk through the sheesha place. ok, i think only sheesha caught my eye. the rest was like indifferent. i dont like. had dinner with them, and they went off.
and i think the most ridiculous thing, TO WAKE UP AT 5 AM FOR ONLINE SHOPPING. EXAM STRESS HAS TO BE BLAME.
i have 2 freaking big ulcers in my mouth. swear it was going to affect me for the next 1 week or so. damn
Thursday, August 20, 2009
all i ask is for mummy to be well. please
my lips are freaking swollen with a bloodclot don't mistake my lips as chocolate. ahhh, someone just bite on it. although it was painful, but somehow i thought it was sweet.
we have to be home by 7 since then. i dont want any accidents to happen anymore.
Monday, August 17, 2009
i' damn sad:( but what i can do stress is piling up, nobody understands what im going through who would be there to stand by me?
and dearest mummy, i love you. thanks for showing so much care. happy advance birthday(:
rushed for cake collection and to school for 2 hours. hey aud, happy birthday ya. i hope you liked what we gave and planned. loveyou!
yes, i grew fatter la. exam stress, must eat more. i've swollen eyes.
and im sorry anying if i've did anything wrong.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
BLOGGER'S SCREWED SHIT. WHATEVER IM STILL GOING TO RANT ALL MY UNHAPPINESS HERE. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT ANYWAY. OK, I FEEL LIKE CRYING. SUDDENLY I FEEL THAT THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HELP NOT EVEN HIM. IDK WHY. I KNOW ITS DAMN SELFISH OF ME TO LOCK EVERYTHING UP TO MYSELF AND NOT LETTING OTHERS HELPING. BUT HOW CAN THEY HELP? ITS JUST ME. EVERYTHING THAT IM DOING, WHATEVER EVERYTHING'S SCREWED. ALL WRONG. STUPID STRESS, STUPID EXAM, STUPID PROBLEMS, STUPID CRAMP. STUPID AHHHHHHHH EVERY SINGLE SHIT. DAMN GREAT, THERE'S WORK TMR. I DONT EVEN HOW TO PASS THIS MAIN EXAM PROPERLY. DEFINITELY I DONT WANT SUPP PAPERS PLEASE. AND TO YOU, ASSHOLE I REALLY HATE YOU FOR CHEATING MY FEELINGS. LIKE WHATEVER, GUYS ALWAYS LIKE TO USE EXCUSES THAT ITS NOT IMPT ANYMORE AND AVOID THE PROBLEM. GO DIE LA. I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE READING THIS NOT, I THINK WE ARE NOT ANYMORE TO K, I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. PARDON ME FOR BEING LIKE THIS. NO, MAYBE ITS JUST ME THAT YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO. I WONT TELL YOU WHAT IM ANGRY AT, MAYBE YOU JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT YOURSELF. YA, AND THAT NEWS REALLY SPOIL MY DAY. BUT WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST DO. DONT LET ANYTHING HOLD YOU BACK. IM JUST NOTHING. AND I DONT WANT YOU TO CONTACT ME THESE DAYS ITS NOT THAT I'VE STOPPED CARING BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO HURT ME ANYMORE. MAYBE JUST THINK ABOUT WHY AM I GETTING MORE AND MORE NOTIN PLACE. PLUS I GUESS YOU CAN STOP WORRYING, I WILL NOT LET GUYS BOTHER ME ANYMORE. JUST LET ME BE. REST AND GET BACK INTO PACE WITH YOU. AFTER THAT, I THINK WE'LL BE FINE. IM SORRY
I NEED SOME DESTRESS. ANNA, FASTER GO OUT WITH ME SOON DURING THE HOLS. AND ANYING, YOU'VE PROMISED ABOUT DEC. AND YOU MUST ACC ME FOR MY HOLS TOOOOOOOO(:
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
When it all takes is just a smile;
all the mistakes that were commmitted over and over again are worth getting angry at but cause i realised forgiving and forgetting is really a more important part rather than bearing grudges and keeping all by myself. and i hate myself even more cause i've never brought up the topic seriously having to think that apologising and the whole matter would be alright. idk what i'm up to. perhaps i'm really tired of quarrels and standing up for myself. whatever it is, i mean i've not did my part to prevent you from doing that always.
i hope from this i would really learn and let this be our last big quarrel. ok, 9 months aren't easy to come by. and this time round i've really invest all my feelings in it and no joke a huge stake of my life. please don't bet on it once again. i want this to continue forever. ok, i know its cheesy but yes, although you are not my first but you will be my last(:
on our way home, its really nice hearing you saying," i've send you home only thrice. it's a little troublesome but for you i will." thanks for being honest about the troublesome part but will you really do it for me? and when the car almost crashed into me, you've got all so nervous and asked me not to do it again. yes i won't.
and i thank you even more waiting for me for the entire 2 whole hours without complaining that you are tired or whatsoever. i'm really touched. this is the first time i've experienced importance in your life.
Monday, August 10, 2009
ok, i'm going to edit the whole post that i did just now im facing tremendous stress and im sorry if i blast at my love(s) this few days i can literally just die from work and studying altogether at one go. just say im not good at it, but seriously i need a break from all these print me a diploma cert. ok, i have an abrupt decision to quit sch right away. IM JUST SAYING.
met anying on sat after work. her polaroid camera got us all so sexcited. i want to get one tooooooo. damn cool yknow and i duper love the way we take polaroids. everyone was staring at us.HAHAH after that off to meet bestfriend. im glad we sort things out yes, those wild thoughts will not run through our mind anymore. i guess you wont contact me either. anyway all th best ok. make the best dishes in the world.
stayover was always so memorable although it ended up not a very nice way, but i still thank you for your time. from the bottom of my heart, i really do appreciate. ok im getting all so emotional again. you should not have made us part just like that. i dont want you to feel guilty or whatsoever i guessed i've made the right decision cause, when i walked away its not that i do not care anymore but i love you even more i know if i were to go back, things would have got worse.
the song is always on repeat mode, idk why BEN LAI
ok i should just stop here. BYEBYEBYEBYEBYE
i think i need a haircolour change during hols and shutup, i know my brow look weird ya and my face became fatter
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
stayover on fri was awesome timbre@substation on sat was fabulous bbq on sun was nice
i hope all the surprises really touched you at least i knw for the first 2 my efforts did not go down the drain its really difficult to lie esp when he's someone so close to me. AND I SINCERELY WANT TO THANK EVERYONE.
TODAY'S FINALLY THE ACTUAL DATE HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST(:
Sunday, August 02, 2009
i'm not ready for the mood to blog right now. so photos will do.
It was all going well according to plan. i thank everyone who attended. it was all worthwhile, stop saying you are not